Tuesday, September 27, 2016

America, are we being Punk'd?

Like many of us, I watched the #PresidentialDebate last night. All 90 minutes of it. I kept waiting for it to happen. Perched on the edge of my seat… waiting. I was ready to jump up and joyously fist bump the air and then fall into hysterical laughter. It was going to be awesome, and it was going to happen any minute. I could feel it.

But then the debate ended, and what I was waiting for didn’t happen.

I sat there, stunned. That’s it? It’s over? How could it not have happened? The debate would have been the perfect opportunity for #AshtonKutcher to finally jump out from behind the curtain and yell what we’ve all been waiting to hear:

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Ten Things I'm Old Enough to Still Give a F**k About

Disclaimer: This post contains way more curse words than my posts usually contain, and in this case, most of those curse words are the F-word. Basically, if you’re faint of heart, a die-hard Trump supporter, or my grandmother, you might choose to not read this post.

Have you ever known an elderly person who just said whatever was on her mind, no matter how rude or inappropriate it was? I’m talking about downright salty old people who have absolutely no filter. Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure I’m on my way there.

As a youngster, I would be appalled by such seasoned individuals and think, “Just because you’re 100 years-old, you have the right to talk to people like that?”

Turns out, the answer is yes. Yes, they do. See, it’s not that old people have earned some entitlement to be awful over their years on this planet. It’s just that they have #zerofuckslefttogive. The way I see it, we’re all born with a finite number of f**ks to give, and the longer we live, the fewer we have left in our old age. And since people are living longer and longer these days, we’re now waiting for evolution to catch up and ensure we’re born with enough f**ks.

Monday, August 29, 2016

So This is Kindergarten

I held him in my arms, his tiny body curled up on my chest, his ear on my familiar heartbeat. Born three weeks early, Quinn weighed just six pounds, but he never went to the NICU. He was strong; small and mighty like his Mama. 

I looked around the park playground at the big kids - kindergarteners, first graders. They were huge. As a first-time mom, I borrowed worries from the future and dreaded the day Quinn would be toddling around that playground amongst those big kids. I imagined him getting knocked down and trampled, and I had myself a full-on (yet invisible to others) post-partum panic attack right there on the park bench. Though I knew someday Q would be one of those big kids, that day seemed like a lifetime away. Back then, the days felt like years and blended into blurry, bloodshot nights. Back then, five years might as well have been five hundred. 

Then I blinked. 

Friday, July 29, 2016


Sometimes your system just starts slowing down. You may not notice it at first, but then one day it occurs to you that that circle, which is supposed to be a cursor, suspiciously spins a lot longer than it used to. You realize you can't remember the last time you completely shut down and restarted. And you have over 40 tabs open in your browser. And way too many programs/apps going at the same time. And there's stuff working in the background you didn’t even know existed. You're constantly looking for an outlet to plug in and recharge the battery, which doesn't seem to last nearly as long as it used to.

That's when it's time to reset. I'm not talking about a quick CTRL+ALT+DELETE. I'm also not talking about your laptop, tablet or phone.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

The Comfort of Routine

It usually starts about 5:45 a.m. Hubs and I stare at the baby monitor and silently will Reid to go back to sleep. He almost always does, but sometimes he waits until one of his parents has shrugged on their robe and has a hand on the door knob. We pause a moment to make sure he really fell back asleep and then gratefully collapse back into bed.

Fifteen minutes later, my 6:00 alarm jars me awake again, and I start the “hit snooze at least three times” ritual. Sometimes, I accidentally dismiss the alarm all together, but that’s okay because Hubs’ alarm starts at 6:30. Not sure why we torture ourselves like this, but it’s our routine.

Monday, November 23, 2015

10 Reasons I’m a Bad Mom (but not really)

(but not really)

I’ve never been called a bad mom to my face, but it’s been not-so-subtly insinuated. I hear the things moms are publically shamed for doing, and I often think, “Yeah, so? I do that, too.” That’s why I decided to write a short series of posts about it.

I’ll kick it off with this: For all you moms getting stink face from other moms, here’s a fist-bump-blow-it-up for you, sistas, and a list of ten reasons I’m a bad mom, too (but not really).

Monday, July 13, 2015

Stitch Fix, Are You Drunk?

I love it when that little square Stitch Fix box arrives on my porch. I just received my third shipment, and it’s already become a bit of an addiction. So far, I’ve kept two of the five items in each fix. I like how they send me items I would never have picked out for myself, yet are perfect when I try them on.

Like in my first fix, I received this sheer little kimono. I wouldn’t have given this a second glance if I had seen it on a hanger in a store. But I tried it on with the suggested outfits on the card, and I LOVE it. It was perfect for our quick, kid-free get-away to Vegas over Memorial Day weekend.

I just received my third fix on Saturday, which contained this blue and white dress. I wrinkled my nose at it in the picture, but when I tried it on? Loved it! It’s a bit more low-cut than I usually go, but Hubs loved it (obviously) and it fit perfectly. Plus, the waist is a little above the natural waistline, which is no simple feat for my short stature. If an outfit can make me feel taller, I’m sold!

Then there was a great pair of jeans. I definitely did not need another pair of jeans, but they fit so well I just had to keep them. They are now my go-to fave for casual days.

But then sometimes they send me items that I think are really cute, but oh-so-not worth the price. For example, I got this cute black top in my last fix. I liked it a lot, but it was $58.00. It didn’t seem to be that high quality, and I’m sure I can find something very similar at H&M for much cheaper.

Same thing with this gray jersey dress. Super cute, much cuter on than I thought it would be, but too expensive for what it is. I really need to find this outfit....

And then… sometimes… Stitch Fix is just drunk. They sent me a maxi skirt in my last fix. A MAXI SKIRT! As much as I love the maxi look, it just does not work on my five-feet-one-inch body. (Can I just tell you how ecstatic I am that cuffed jeans are back in style?) Here’s what the maxi skirt looked like on me.

Yeah. You could probably make a second maxi skirt with all that fabric pooling on the floor. A friend of mine, and fellow shorty, said she wears maxi skirts like a dress. So I tried that, too.

And… nope! It looked like a mu-mu. Totally shapeless. I tried belting it at the waist, but the dress bunched up around belt and looked like the fabric was pleated. Ew.

My favorite part? This is the note from my stylist:

“In this box you will find a variety of petite and petite-friendly pieces…. Maxi skirts are staple this season, so I included one by Market & Spruce; the hem hits two inches above the floor to flatter your petite frame.”

Ummmm…. Stitch Fix, are you drunk?

I have to admit - I did love the skirt. The fabric was positively luxurious. I wish I was taller just so I could wear it.

My stylist completely redeemed herself with this Dolman sleeve top. I usually drown in these types of shirts with their obnoxious “bat wing” sleeves, but this one is adorable. It’s not too billowy, and the color is gorgeous.

Stitch Fix is not a perfect science, but it’s pretty amazing. Even with the maxi skirt fail, I’m already jonesin’ for my next fix.

Occasionally, I will post about my Stitch Fix experience here on the blog. Feel free to tell me about your fixes in the comments! If you want to give Stitch Fix a try, here’s my referral link. I will get a $25 credit toward my new addiction when your first fix is shipped. And then you get a referral link of your own to share!

This post is not sponsored by Stitch Fix. I’m just a happy customer who has no time to shop for herself because malls + toddlers = spending too much time in the play area and not enough time in the fitting room.