Saturday, June 4, 2011

Operation B4

I'm officially launching "Operation Buh-Bye Baby Belly," or “Operation B4.” The mission gets its name not only because it has four B's in the title, but also because the goal is to get my body back to the way it was before I got pregnant.
I still have about five pounds to lose before I'm back to my pre-preggo weight, but it's not the number on the scale that concerns me. I have a feeling that even if I do lose those five pounds, I still won't look the same. Things aren't as tight as they were. I just feel... wider. Will my hips and rib cage shrink back down to where they were before the Great Expansion of 2011? (Naysayers and bursters of bubbles need not comment.)
Thank goodness breast feeding burns 500-800 calories a day! 
I'm finally at the point where I'm comfortable leaving Quinn for a little while, so a few times a week I go to the gym while The Hubs holds down the fort. Man, it feels good to be back on the elliptical machine. I put my headphones in and tune out the world for 45 minutes (except for the smell of pancakes).
I was on the elliptical this morning, writing this post in my head and listening to Lady Gaga (I know, Playlist of Shame…), when I was given a giant dose of "reality." On the wall in front of the cardio machines is a row of ten flat screen TVs. At any given time, at least eight of them are showing some sort of infomercial on dieting, exercise and/or beauty.
Magic diet pills.
Expensive gym equipment.
The power of Zumba.
Cindy-f**king-Crawford and her amazing line of beauty products.
Miracle grow for eyelashes.
There’s even a powder you can sprinkle on your pizza that “activates the hunger control switch” in your brain so that you only eat one slice. Yeah, um, I think you can find that in the grocery aisle right next to Jack’s magic beans. (Insert eye roll here.)
All of these programs include beautiful women with perfectly toned abs and tight tushies. As much as I hate to admit it, the advertising works. Watching those infomercials, I felt sufficiently inferior. My leftover baby pooch seemed gigantic. I wondered how much my butt was jiggling while I ran, grossing out my gym mates on the machines behind me. I felt like a squishier blob of my former self.
It was time to take action, and so I launched Operation B4 right there on the elliptical and started running a little faster. I instantly became determined to lose the jiggle. However, I don’t buy into any of the above miracle solutions. If you want to lose weight fast, they totally work. But it’s not a sustainable way of life, and people usually end up weighing even more when they get off the plan. Not to mention the high cost of some of those so-called miracles.
Call me old fashioned, but I believe in the “stop putting so much food in your mouth and get off your ass” plan. It might not work as fast as a diet pill, but I think some sweat and portion control will eventually get me the results I want.
But it will take time, especially now that I'm thirty-deuce. For the first time in my twelve years in California, I'm thankful for the annual June Gloom that envelopes our area in fog and haze. It buys me a few more weeks before I'm expected to don any sort of swim attire. And I refuse to wear the mom-kini.
Now if only discipline and will power came in a pill. That I might actually buy.
So tell me, mommies. How did you lose the baby belly? Please share your tips, tricks and advice. Words of encouragement and inspiration are also welcome.