Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Guide to Dude Mom Life - with Dumb Mom of parenting BY dummies

For the first time ever, I’m hosting a guest blogger. Please meet Amanda (a.k.a. Dumb Mom) from parenting BY dummies. She’s a mother to three adorable boys and a wife to one awesome husband. You may remember her from my list of Boy Moms you must read and a recent F-R-R-R-iday Referral.

Dumb Mom shares hilarious stories about her life with The Dudes and provides guidance for other moms of dudes. She wows us with her talents as a mother and photographer. And thanks to Stacy and Clinton from What NOT to Wear, she wows us with her wardrobe. (Check out her Formerly Frumpy Fridays where she drops mad fashion knowledge and give-aways on her readers.) The other thing I like about Dumb Mom is that motherhood hasn’t replaced her love for hip-hop or Eminem. She’s gangsta.

With that, I give you Dumb Mom.

Good morning A Wide Line readers!

Melissa is somewhere awesome doing something fun this week so she stuck me with blog duties kindly invited me and The Dudes to take over her spot for a day.

We promised her not to break anything while she was gone, but we lied with three little Dudes and a naughty puppy in tow, I cannot take full responsibility for anything that goes on here today.  And, if something gets broken, I fully intend to blame the furry one.


She’s cute enough to get out of it!

But, don’t let that sweet face fool you.  She is every bit as rowdy, obnoxious, energetic, challenging, overzealous, and loud as The Dudes.

It’s a fun life I live, and since Melissa is also living a Dude Mom Life (with quite a bit fewer Dudes and still time to change the game and add a daughter) I’ve decided to give her (and any other Dude Mom out there) a lesson in life with Dudes.

Feel free to navigate away during the scary bits…

Dumb Mom’s Guide to Dude Mom Life: How to Live a Mostly Happy Life (Except for When You’re Yelling) in a House Filled With Manness

1.  Be prepared for the funk.  Dudes smell.  Badly.  Sometimes you even have to force them to clean themselves.  Physically force them.  So prepare your mind and your olfactory system for the onslaught because it’s gonna be intense.

2.  Go ahead and yell.  They are genetically engineered to only hear the female voice if you’re screaming.  Something about the decibel.  Add to that the fact that they are heavily influenced by their able-to-tune-out-every-single-word-I-say father.

3.  Buy real soap.  And get some of those handy little Mr. Clean wall scrubber thingys.  Because Dudes bring dirt, and grime, and scum, and um, dirt.  I can’t walk 10 steps in my house without stepping on mud (from their muddy cleats), tripping over toys, or slipping in a puddle (that’s most often to be blamed on the dog).  And the handprints.  I’m considering just painting handprints all over my walls, you know so it looks like art instead of dirt.

4.  Know the sounds.  There are a bunch of them and there really is a big difference between the sound made by a light saber and a regular old pirate sward.  And, don’t even get me started on the difference between the sound a ninja’s punch makes and that of a Jedi.  I could write a book on just sounds Dudes make and expect you to be able to identify.

5.  Get your hugging arms ready.  And open your heart.  And get ready to have your ego stroked, BIG TIME.  No one tells me I’m beautiful more than my boys.  No one loves me harder or hugs me tighter or fills me up with love the way they can.  It’s unbelievable, unexpected, and so, so awesome.

Dumb Mom has been wowing the Internet since 2008 when she launched her pretty-much-useless guide for parents, parenting BY dummies.  As it turns out her parenting advice is not generally useful for more than a good laugh, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need!  Dumb Mom spends her offline time (which is embarrassingly limited) running a photography business, working as a social media director for a local print publication, writing freelance articles about stuff she loves, wrangling Dudes, petting her Baby Dog Daughter, and eating cupcakes in her garage to escape the crazy.  You can Tweet with her online as @dumbparent, but don’t expect her to be serious.  It’s virtually impossible. 

See? I told you Dumb Mom was great. Aren’t her dudes adorable? I just want to put the little one in my pocket. (Is that weird? Yeah? Okay, sorry.) Start following her already, would ya?! Subscribe to parenting BY dummies, follow her on Twitter, like her on Facebook. Get all up her business. She finds the funny side of Dude Mom Life and invites us to laugh along with her.

I’m on vacation on Kauai with the family this week, so I will respond to all your comments when I return. Be sure your email address is associated with your Blogger account so I can reply.