Thursday, October 20, 2011

Self Discovery - with Nicole from By Word of Mouth Musings

I’m so pleased to bring you my second guest blogger this week, Nicole, from By Word of Mouth Musings. She was my F-R-R-R-iday referral  about a month ago because … well, I adore her. I admit it, I don’t retweet or promote other bloggers that often. It’s not that I’m a bloggy snob or anything, I just don’t have time to sit on Twitter all day. But when I do have time, I give mad props to Nicole. I have learned so much about blogging from her, and she’s an awesome writer who always makes me laugh out loud. You want to keep reading. Her post below starts with her visiting a porn shop. Seriously. She’s hilarious! To catch you up, "MR51%" is her hubs, and "Wiki" is her teenage daughter. Both are great fodder for her hilarious stories. 

With that, I give you Nicole.

The very lovely Melissa invited me to come over and be a guest in her adorable bloghome.  She is so very delightful and isn't that little cherub enough to make your heart melt and your ovaries ache?  In my case this is a comforting ache since I am starting to wonder just how far away menopause actually is.  As I pondered on what to share with you, I thought back over what I have learned and decided to share recent events with you ... let us call it  ...
I seemed to discover many things this week, but I'm only going to tell you about a few of them.  Because obviously I would like you to come back again, and don't want to scare you in one sitting. If you arrived here after searching a different kind of self discovery, let me - let you - down gently.

Its just not that kind of site.

Although I do confess, I talked about a p*nis one time right here.

Actually, I did have a luncheon with a bunch of girlfriends this week, and the conversation was both delightful and somewhat risque ... really ...

The cute young waiter thought we had scarred him for life we were hilarious and old. The result was that after many sangria's lunch, we headed to an 'ahem' adult store (not exactly sure what we had in mind as far as purchasing went) But alas, they had gone out of business.
Apparently in a downturn of the economy - it would seem that self gratification, has a lot more emphasis on the 'self' part.
I discovered from this experience, that the majority of women own or have owned something of this nature.
I discovered that I was in the minority.
Yes, it has been mentioned by MR51% that I can be a prude.

I also discovered recently that magazines are not made of the quality stuff they probably once were.  If you cannot find a fly swatter and chase three dozen mosquito's around your house with a copy of Teen Vogue - your house will quickly resemble something that looks as though your decorator was The Cat in the Hat!

I discovered that Wiki really does not know any swear words beyond b*tch (she read that in No fear Shakespeare,) and thanks to Uma Thurman in Motherhood, she learned the word, sh*t. (You can read my Sh*t My Kids Don't Say post right here. I'll wait for you if you like.)  Until last night she had never heard me say either. Until last night when I hit the first mosquito and a huge hot pink mark (Thank you, Teen Vogue) splashed across her soft blue wall - she looked at me and said 'You cursed!' Then she asked why I felt the need to yell 'Poop' at the wall?  Personally, I think she is 13 yrs old, and it's the first time she has heard me swear. #momwin not #momfail!

I discovered that when you get an invite to join someone on 'their site,' spend more time reading what it is before you hit send. On the upside, I now have nearly 400 contacts on my new account called LinkedIn, and most I look forward to getting to know. Now if only I understood how it worked. Like my phone.

I discovered that when an auto invite goes out to almost all of your address book from aforementioned, unintended new site - most people take it in good spirits and say Hi or ignore you.  Some, who were never a friend and you were involved in a lawsuit with now strangely become your friend, and some who you were friends with once, but fell out of touch with good reason - now see fit to respond with asinine remarks that remind you why you are no longer friends in the first place.

I discovered that I am not diet material.  Eating fruit for a day, veg for a day or all the chickens you can eat, wrapped in bacon and stuffed with steak - has no appeal. What.So.Evah!  I have also discovered that my metabolism is not what it used to be. This made me so sad, I had to eat an entire container of Dulche de Leche to take the edge off.  Back in the good old days, like the first dinner MR51% and I went out for, I ordered a huge Prime Rib with a side of shrimp, baked potato and more than likely dessert - I ate all of it.  
And remained in the Junior Dept.
Let's face it, he was either;
A. Impressed after all the 'salad daze' chicks he'd met. Or.
B. He was hoping my voracious appetite extended beyond dining! ahem.
Dieting is just not for me, I'm lightheaded by noon and need to wade my way through at least one fridge to bring feeling back to my senses. I'm sure it causes my toes to go numb and affects my vision (because I have also discovered I appear to be going blind).

So anyway, yes, I discovered that I'm feeling somewhat curvier of late. MR51% said he's noticed - I don't think he meant that in a salacious way. ACK.

I also discovered that I have way less tolerance for the ignorant, the judgmental, the people that really just need a good old slap upside the head people than I used too.

But that's a whole 'nother blogpost ... oh indeed it is ...

So that wraps up self discovery for this week.
It was more than enough.

Isn’t Nicole fantastic? Please visit her bloghome at By Word of Mouth Musings and give her a read. While you’re at it, follow her on Twitter, like her page on Facebook and check out her pins on Pinterest. Stalk her, basically, is what I’m saying. She won’t mind, and you won’t be disappointed. 

I’m on vacation on Kauai with the family this week, so I will respond to all your comments when I return. Be sure your email address is associated with your Blogger account so I can reply.