Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How have you been? How’s the Missus?  Hope this letter finds you well and staying warm up in the North Pole. I know you’re super busy this time of year, so I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter.

This letter is not written on behalf of Quinn – we’ve already talked about what you’re bringing him for Christmas this year, and I think we got that all squared away. No, this letter is for me. I haven’t asked you for anything since third grade, so I think I’m due to write in a few requests.

Now, I think we can agree that I have been a very good girl this year. I gave birth to a human being and sport the scar to prove it. I’ve devoted my life to being a good mom, and I think I’m doing a decent job so far. (Hey, Q’s still alive and appears to be a happy little dude, right?)

So for my first request, if it’s not too much trouble, I would like more hours in the day. It’s near impossible to accomplish everything that must be done in one day. I’m aware that some moms are able to knock out their daily to-do lists with seemingly little effort, while raising perfect little children at the same time, but I am not one of those moms. If I had just a couple more hours in the day, I think I could take on the world. And if you could make sure Quinn slept during those extra hours, that would be awesome.

Secondly, if you could add some more hours to the night, I would be most appreciative. I know this sounds similar to the above request, but I promise it’s entirely different. You see, I’m not a good nap taker. If I had more hours in the day, I would use those hours to get stuff done. I would not sit still. I would not relax. I would not read a book or watch TV. I would putter and do and then still collapse, exhausted at the end of my even longer – albeit more productive – day. Soooo… I need to stretch the hours between midnight and the first time Quinn beckons from the nursery. I’m not asking for Q to sleep all night, I’m asking for the night to take longer. I’m convinced a few more Z’s would make me a whole new woman.

Third, I’d like to talk about my arms. No, this is not a request to decrease my underarm jiggle or to get ripped. This is about the number of arms I have. I would like more of them. I was told that moms grow more arms. Apparently, that was a big, fat lie. Quinn is getting bigger and squirmier every day, and he wants to be held a lot. Just once, I’d to take a drink of something without Quinn grabbing it and spilling it all over both of us. Moms also have a lot of stuff to carry. So just two more arms should be good. Maybe three. And if those arms could be longer (and sans jiggle), that would be a huge bonus.

Finally, Santa, I would like some jewelry. Nothing too big or flashy. Small, dainty jewelry is more my speed. My birthstone (and Quinn’s) is aquamarine, but you already knew that. I’m sure you’ll pick out something that I will like. (If you’re wondering where you can leave this letter where my husband will find it, the workbench in the garage would be the perfect place to accidentally drop it.)

Best of luck on your annual trip around the world. I hope you get lots of delicious cookies and none of that healthy crap. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the cookies Quinn will leave out for you at our house. I make a mean Snickerdoodle.

Merry Christmas,

This post is inspired by this week’s writing prompt by Mama Kat of “Mama’s Losing It” – (#3) An Open Letter to Santa Claus. Links go up on Thursday.