Thursday, January 26, 2012

I knew I was old when…



I knew I was old when I stopped recognizing the celebrities on the cover of Us Weekly. The name for the magazine should be Your Weekly Reminder That You Are Old.

I knew I was old when I recently plucked my first gray hair… from my eyebrow. At that point, I realized I’d been coloring my hair for so long, who knows how many gray hairs I have on my head.

I knew I was old when Nate Dogg died and my younger co-worker didn’t know who Nate Dogg was.

I knew I was old when I made a Wayne’s World reference (“Hi. I’m in Delaware.”) and my other young co-worker didn’t get it. Then I realized that movie came out when she was three.

I knew I was old when I stopped liking new music. Seriously, who writes this shit? The only stations I really like on satellite radio anymore are “90’s on 9” and “Backspin.” (Oh. Meh. Geh. I sound just like my mother.)

I knew I was old when I noticed that every teenage boy’s haircut looks ridiculous.

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I knew I was old when I refused to listen to Justin Bieber (speaking of bad hair) just on principle. No one that young should make that kind of money. Plus, the kid can’t sing. At all. (Now I must go apologize to my mother for the years of New Kids of the Block I made her suffer through.)

I knew I was old when I balked at what teenage girls are wearing these days. When did bra straps become accessories? That’s just skanky. I spend my whole life trying to keep mine from showing and these girls purposely walk around with bright blue bra straps poking out from under white tank tops. Our teachers would have sent us home from school if we had dared to walk in like that – assuming our mothers didn’t see us first and make us change before we left the house. 

I knew I was old when guys (of all ages) stopped checking me out. I swear, I haven’t had more than a passing glance in, like, five years. 

I knew I was old when a twenty-eight year-old woman told me that she needed to hurry up and have kids because she wasn’t getting any younger. Uhhh, hello?

I knew I was old when I started making grunting noises every time I got up off the floor, which is all the damn time now that we have a baby.

I knew I was old when the bags under my eyes could no longer be concealed with make-up and instead looked worse. (Of course, that might be due to sleep deprivation and motherhood in general rather than age. I’d love to test this theory, but that would require at least two nights of decent sleep in a row, and that doesn’t seem likely at this point.)


But then, just when I start to feel older than dirt, my son makes me feel young again. Seeing the world through his eyes, everything looks brand new and amazing. (Yes, Quinn, that’s a picture on the wall… Yes, you can pet the doggie… Yes, that’s the moon…) And I’m seeing that picture and a dog and the moon for the first time, too. I see Q’s eyes light up, and mine light up, too.

And there’s nothing like a rollicking game of “I’m Going to Get You” to get your blood pumping. Quinn laughs hysterically as he crawls away from me as fast as he can, and I chase him on my hands in knees around the house. I finally catch him and we both collapse on the floor in a fit of giggles. Then he’s up, and we’re off again.

Who cares that I’m a little winded afterward? 


When did you feel old for the first time?




15 comments:

  1. I felt old in the waiting room waiting to go for my check up prior to JDaniel being born. I was as old as the women there with their daughthers.

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    1. I think it's wonderful that you had JDaniel when you did. I don't think there's an age limit to making your dream of being a mommy come true.

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  2. HA! Great topic! I feel old when I find purple leopard print leggings at the mall and I flash back to 8th grade. I feel old when I wake up the next morning after having more than ONE drink. I feel old when I watch Friends reruns (not sure why exactly). I especially feel old when I see the "You must be born on or before this date in (year) stickers in order to buy alcohol.... I could do this all day

    btw. chase is dax's fav game now too! so fun for all!

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    1. Haha! Yeah, you know we're old when we've seen the same fashion trends come around multiple times. And my brother was born in 1990 and he can buy liquor now. That's just not right.

      Give Dax a big hug for us!

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  3. Haha love it I feel your pain!!!

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  4. you had me laughing out loud with a lot of these...especially "your weekly reminder you're old" and what I do wanna say is PULEASE! I bet you are just so busy with that cute baby of yours that you don't notice how many heads you're turning...you're gorgeous!!! (and NOT old...)

    cute blog i shall return!

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    1. I like you, Kelly. Your compliment made my day. Thanks! Come back and visit anytime!

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  5. Hilarious!!! And so true!!! I'm also so happy for Quinn's first sign. Hooray!

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    1. Thanks, Tiffany! We were really excited, too. :)

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  6. First of all, this is hilarious! (Thanks for the emailed link, Mandy.)

    Secondly, as a 38 year-old senior at Ferris State University, I'm reminded daily of my age. We just finished reading "American Psycho" in my Literature elective class, and I had to answer both "Whose Whitney Houston?" (before she died) and "What's Genesis?"

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    1. Thanks for coming by, Kresta! So glad you like the blog. Congrats on going back to school. That's awesome. I can't believe they didn't know who Whitney Houston was! How is that even possible? Good luck with your classes!

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  7. Hanging tough!!! Oh oh oh oh oh...oh oh oh oh...this is hilarious. Do you remember that Christmas when you got me that Bell biv deveo tape? Whatever cousin missy was into was cool by me!

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    1. Haha! I do remember that! Ain't nothin' wrong with a little NKOTB or BDD. :) Miss you, cuz!

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  8. Every time I read this I cry from laughing!! I knew I was getting old when I made reference to a cassette tape in my jr high teen girls Sunday school class and they asked me what that was; very depressing. But it's a comfort to know I'm not the only one feeing the impact of getting older. Love your blog!

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    1. They didn't know what a tape was?! Oh, ouch, that hurt a little. I had a zillion tapes because CDs were expensive back then. :) So glad you like the blog. I adore yours, too. :)

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