“People who have kids to save the marriage are crazy.”
My friend spoke those words yesterday when she came over
with her adorable twelve-week-old baby girl. (Don’t worry – she speaks from
even greater experience. Her almost-two-year-old boy was at daycare.)
Parenthood is one of the biggest tests you’ll ever put your
marriage through. So before you even think about having yourselves a kid, you
better really, really like each
other. Like, a lot.
Parenthood brings inequalities in the relationship to the
surface and often creates (perceived) new ones. It initiates the power struggle
between the two of you. It requires that you give more than what you have to
give. All of this can surmount to a butt-load of resentment if you’re not
careful.
Parenthood will change both of you in ways you never thought
possible, and you might not like the changes you see in each other or yourself.
That’s why it’s important to remember who you were and what you loved about
each other before you were Mommy and Daddy.
At the core, you’re still those same people. Look really
hard. See? You’re still there. (Just with a little less lingerie and more yoga
pants.)
The biggest thing I’ve learned in our first year of
parenthood is that you have to let go of the little things and the resentment
that tends to follow. If you just breathe in and let it go, hopefully your
partner will notice and do the same.
Wouldn’t that feel so good? To just let it go and give each
other a big hug? And why not a big kiss while you’re at it. Ah, and throw in
some tongue, too. It’s Valentine’s Day.
I’m so grateful that the Hubs and I have the relationship we
have. We started with a solid foundation and a fierce love for each other that
can withstand the challenges of being new parents. Having a baby has shaken us,
I admit. But we haven’t crumbled. And every time we rebuild, we are stronger.
I look at his handsome face, and I see the man I fell in
love with. He still cracks me up, he still makes me feel beautiful, and he
still puts his arms around me. And I swoon.
Through the exhaustion, stress and short fuses– through the
sleepless nights, poopy diapers and toys everywhere– he’s still my Valentine.
This year, next year and every year after that.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
