Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Don’t Be a Douchey Neighbor

Reason #17 not to be a douchey neighbor: chances are that one of your neighbors has a blog and will talk smack about you on the Internet.

I will never confront our neighbors about this. It’s really not that big of a deal, and not really all that douchey – certainly nothing to start a conflict over. But a blog is a vehicle for a blogger to express whatever is on her mind, and today what’s on my mind is why our neighbors leave their Halloween pumpkins on their porch for six months.

Seriously… Six. Months.

I took this photo of my neighbor’s house last week, March 20th, the first day of spring. And, yes, I took it from my kitchen window. (No, I’m not usually a Gladys Kravitz, but c’mon. I've had to look at these pumpkins for six months, people. And if you don’t know who Gladys Kravitz is, that’s just more proof that I am old and you are not.)

Note the pumpkins that are sitting on the porch. They have been sitting in that very spot since the beginning of October, and it is now nearing the end of March.

These same neighbors put up their Christmas lights sometime after Thanksgiving. One would think that when the Christmas lights go up, the Halloween pumpkins should go away, right? Apparently not. In early January, they took their Christmas lights down. Great. I love it when the Christmas lights come down in a timely manner. Again, this did not seem to be a signal to our neighbors that perhaps it was time for the pumpkins to go. 

While it bugs me when people leave their Christmas lights up for months, I understand that it’s a huge pain in the ass to take them down. You have get out the ladder, crawl around on the roof in the cold, and the roof could be wet or icy. It’s not a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon. I get it.

But getting rid of Halloween pumpkins does not require that much effort. On garbage pick-up day, a truck comes by that scoops up everyone’s lawn clippings, tree trimmings and other natural debris, including Halloween pumpkins and Christmas trees. So we just have to pick up our pumpkins, carry them to the curb in front of the house, and leave them there. Done. The whole thing takes sixty seconds.

So if the city makes it that stinkin’ easy, why are the pumpkins still sitting there? Our neighbors don’t leave their Christmas lights up, and they’re always outside working on their landscaping. Wouldn’t Halloween pumpkin removal be part of that process? I don’t understand.

I had a theory that maybe these were fake pumpkins. I mean, how are they not smelly, rotting heaps of black goo by now? I became convinced that the pumpkins were fake a couple months ago when they had their garage door open as I drove by. One whole wall of their garage is lined with four rows of shelves. Want to know what’s taking up every inch of space on those shelves? PUMPKINS! Yes, like a hundred bright orange pumpkins take up an entire wall of their garage. What the hizzle?

Okay, so these people really like their pumpkins. So much so, that they want to have fake ones on their porch all year long… and fill their garage with them. Um… okaaaaay….

Then, by some odd coincidence, the very next day after I took the above photo, they removed the pumpkins from their front porch and put them out to the curb for garbage pick-up. WHAT?? So the pumpkins aren’t fake? Those are real pumpkins that have been sitting on their porch for six months?!

Ew. That’s so nasty.

Here’s a photo of the pumpkins by the curb on March 21st. (One should also note that March 21st was a Wednesday, and our garbage pick-up is on Tuesdays, so these nasty pumpkins have been sitting on the side of the road, directly across from my house, for a week. Lovely.)

I was tempted to go gently poke one just to see if it would collapse into a rotting mess before my eyes, but the germaphobic side of me won out over the nosy side.

So now, I’m really baffled. Does that mean that all those pumpkins in their garage are also real? What does one couple need with a hundred real pumpkins? Why would they let the pumpkins sit, rotting and molding, in their garage and on their front porch for half a year?

Okay, gumshoes, help me out. I’d love to hear your theories. And yes, it’s okay to have a theory that I shouldn’t be so nosy. I agree with you. 

photo credit