Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Worrying over nothing. Again.



I’m spinning again. No not in the gym on a stationary bike. Inside my head. Now, it’s about Quinn walking… er, not walking.

He’s been pulling himself up on everything for months now. He cruises around holding onto the furniture. He’ll walk while pushing one of his toys (or even the dining room chair) across the room. He’ll let go for a second and stand there all by himself. Just for a second. Then he slowly sits down on his bottom in a nice, controlled manner and crawls away. I try to hold his hands and help him walk, but he just gets frustrated and sits down.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m thinking the same thing. I need to relax because most kids do not start walking until they’re over a year old, and Quinn just turned a year old less than two weeks ago. Chill, Melissa. Lots of kids don’t walk until well over a year old. I know this. So the fact that Quinn’s not walking yet isn’t really a big deal. He’s perfectly fine.

But I worry anyway. (I’m sure you’re shocked by this information.) Why does it bother me so much? Why is it keeping me awake at night?

Maybe it’s because my brother and I both walked before a year-old, so when Quinn started pulling himself up at nine months, I got my hopes up.  

Maybe I worry because you only hear stories about the exceptional kids who started walking early. Maybe because everyone knows someone who had a baby that started walking immediately after exiting the womb. And it feels like everyone started walking by the time they were Quinn’s age, even though that’s not true.

Maybe I worry because the first thing everyone says when they see Quinn is “Does he walk yet?”

No. Okay? No, he doesn’t walk yet. Why does everyone keep asking me that? He doesn’t poop on the potty or do long division yet either. *sigh* I know people don’t mean any harm by asking. It’s a simple, innocent question and I’m being over-sensitive. But it’s starting to get to me.

Last weekend, Hubs, Q and I went out for breakfast, and as usual, Quinn attracted the attention of a Chatty Lady sitting at the table next to us. The lady was enjoying breakfast with her daughter, and struck up a conversation with us.

(Tangent: I know Quinn is a handsome kid, but GEEZ! Everywhere we go, he makes friends. It’s like he’s a damn celebrity! Just once I’d like to eat a meal at a restaurant, check out at the grocery store, and get my Starbucks without getting trapped in a conversation with a stranger. I’m never rude, and usually I don’t mind that much, but sometimes I’m in a hurry or just not in the mood. And sometimes the people are weird and creep me out. Back away from the baby, freak shows. – End tangent.)

“How old is he?” Chatty Lady asked.

“He just turned a year old last week,” I said and braced myself for the next question.

“Does he walk yet?” Yep, there it is. *sigh*

“No,” I said and immediately began my disclaimer about how he’s pulling himself and almost walking, but not quite yet, but he’ll be walking any day now… which just sounded lame.

Chatty Lady then launched into a story about how her son started walking at eight months-old. Eight months-old? Really? Okay, I know it happens, but I hear this story so often I gotta believe most of these moms are exaggerating and totally rewriting history.

What probably happened was her son kinda sorta almost took a step at eight months-old and then he fell down and never took another step until he was eleven months-old. But that was enough for it to count as his first step for baby book and bragging purposes, so that’s the way she remembers it. Her son started walking at eight months-old. Okay, fine. Whatever.

I know I shouldn’t be so hard on this nice lady. She was very sweet, and she didn’t try to touch Quinn, so she gets bonus points there. I’ll go take a chill pill now. 


18 comments:

  1. Deep breath... I know it's hard to not compare your child to others!! Soon, he'll be all over the place and you'll think "remember when it was easier... when he couldn't reach all this stuff?"

    :)

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    1. I know, you're right. As soon as he starts walking, I will have my work cut out for me. Wonderful to see you again, my dear! :)

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  2. Melissa it just starts now, so it's good to take a good deep breath. First it's are they walking yet, then how many words does his have, how many teeth, ect. All three of my kids had delays in a few areas so I got really tired of these questions and started saying things like he just finished doing some physics so he's tired, but that's me! Lol! Mom's can be the worst, I have had friends call me in tears because one of their mom "friends" had them in a panic that there child was delayed. He is ONLY a year my love. The average age is 15 months. All the Physical therapists we have had or befriended always said they were looking for pulling up and cruising, if a baby was doing this at 12 months they were fine! I'm big on listening to my gut instinct, and if you are still concerned at 15 months, or if you see something else you will act on it. You can also ask your doctor at his check up. But Melissa, he really sounds perfect. But, what you are going through is also really normal. Don't put yourself down. It's a great instinct to want to be on top of everything and will serve you both really well. Just remember if possible to breathe. And have fun. Much love!

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    1. Haha! That's a great comeback. Mind if I borrow it? :) And you're right. My gut is often right, and I need to trust it. I do believe he's just fine, and I need to stop letting what others think put me into a panic. Thanks so much for the advice, Kathy! As always, I love it when you stop by.

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  3. Is he reading novels yet?! HE'S NOT?!?!?! NOW you should worry. ;-) No worries mama.... just enjoy each day with your boy!

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    1. You're right. I'll stop over-reacting now. :)

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  4. It does get tedious when people keep asking the same questions, and it's one of those milestones that we know we'll reach but just don't know exactly when. A year old is young, so you really shouldn't let it get to you. Ignore the questions; once he's got past the walking milestone, they'll be lots of other questions to dodge as well.

    CJ x

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    1. Thanks, CJ. You're right. As soon as he starts walking, people will start asking whether he's potty trained. I gotta just let it go. Thanks for stopping by!

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  5. your kid can't do long division? ;-)

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    1. No! Can you believe it? I'm such a failure. :)

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  6. Melissa, really, just relax... the "normal" range for a child is between 11-18 months... so you don't have to worry for a while. Middle daughter didn't walk til almost 15 months and yes, I was concerned because her brother did everything early (freak :) ) but no two kids are alike and as long as he's on track and growing properly there shouldn't be any concerns. I know, it's not easy when you go out in public and that's the first thing people ask. I get told all the time that my girls need to be in modeling. Hello, my kids... mind your own!!! :)

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    1. You're right, Susi. Logically, I know this. He's right on track. I just start to get all anxious when other "experienced moms" who "obviously know more than I do" (or think they do) insinuate that maybe he's behind. I can't let them get to me.

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  7. I know exactly how you feel. Lili turned 9 months on the 14th and still isn't crawling. Everyone we come in contact with asks the question, "is she crawling yet?" and I have to also say, no, but I'm sure she will any day now! I took Lili to the office I used to work at (she "knows everything," has the "perfect life," blah, blah,blah and the conversation went like this:
    Lady: is she crawling yet?
    Me: (thinking, here we go!), I said in a cheerful voice, "no, not yet"
    Lady: she isn't crawling yet?
    Me: ( getting pissed, but still had to sound cheerful) "nope!"
    Lady: and how old is she?
    Me: 8 months (this was a month ago)
    Lady: hmmmmm
    So hen I felt the need to punch her in the face...so I did. Jk....I felt the need to explain that some kids don't even crawl until they're 12 months old and had to tell her everything Lili can do....clap, kiss, say "ka" for kitty, etc. of course she didn't seem impressed with that...she jut had to focus on what Lili can't do. BIOTCH!!!!

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    1. How rude! People have no idea how hurtful those types of comments can be. Back to my whole rant about one should never tell a mother what her child "needs to learn." Grrr... I'm sure Lili is right on track. Hang in there and try not to let the snotty ladies get to you.

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  8. First I have to say how wonderful it was to have lunch with you today and how flippin adorable Quinn is!!! I wish I had read this post before we met so I could assure you how NORMAL he is! Rule #1 of being a mom....NEVER EVER EVER compare your child to anyone else's. Don't even compare one of your kids to the next because you will drive yourself batty! They are all so different and do everything in their own time! He's completely normal. My boys didn't start walking until at least 13 months. And you know what? Don't rush it! Once they start walking they NEVER want you to carry them and become a limp noodle wanting to get down just to run away from you. Think of it as him staying your baby longer instead of turning into a toddler faster.

    Michael was VERY slow to start really talking. Of course I compared him to his sister who was speaking in complete sentences by the time he was putting a mere two words together. But then overnight, in his own due time it happened...he started speaking in complete sentences as if he had been listening to us, taking it all in and banking it for when he was ready. He went from two small words at a time to complete sentences with quite a vocabulary. So as Mason has started to develop, I actually enjoyed him not walking yet, not talking yet, etc because in my eyes it kept him my baby just a little bit longer.

    Try not to sweat everything or you will literally make yourself CRAZY! Case in point...Abby has a learning disability and Michael has either ADD or ADHD. I could either completely stress about it all and worry about the what if's, shoulda coulda and woulda's but instead I choose to focus on what I can do to help them get what they need to learn and know that it's okay. God makes them all unique for a reason. Just know how PERFECT and perfectly normal Q man is and stop stressing about it all. He's going to walk (when he's ready), talk (when he's ready), poop and pee in the potty (when he's ready) and lead a full, normal, healthy, productive and happy life. Not to worry Mom!!

    Love ya!

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    1. You're the best, Mish. Thanks so much for the kind words. These are the words of a wise mother of three, people. Listen up! :) I do love that Q still lets me carry him and raises his arms up to me to get picked up. It's so sweet and I will definitely miss it. I need to stop letting what others think cloud my vision and just enjoy my baby boy as he is. Perfect. Thank you, Mish. Love you!!

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  9. Yes, deep breath and relax! Matthew didn't walk until he was almost 16 months!!! It happens. :) But I also understand the worrying...I do that all the time!!!

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    1. I definitely feel better after all these supportive comments. Worrying and motherhood definitely go and in hand. Thanks, Tiffany!

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