Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why don’t these things exist?


Since becoming a mom, I’ve thought of a bazillion products, services and awesome inventions that would make moms’ lives so much easier. I’m sure you have, too. Here are a few of my fabulous ideas.

Disclaimer: There’s a strong possibility that some, if not all, of these inventions already exist and I just don’t know about them. But I’m too tired to Google them.  


Shopping cart brakes. They’ve always annoyed me, but now that my child is riding in the front of one, shopping carts really piss me off. Why do they not have brakes? The stroller has brakes so Quinn doesn’t roll across the parking lot, so it stands to reason that anything intended to hold a child in should have some sort of brake system. I know I worry about things unnecessarily, as many moms do, but I tighten my death grip on the shopping cart handle as soon as we hit the parking lot.


Because the aerobics stepper I have
doesn't really match the nursery decor. 
Baby crib stepper. I totally understand why the sides of cribs need to be so tall. However, I stand a whopping 5’1”, and with the crib mattress lowered all the way to the bottom, I can’t bend over the side to put Quinn to bed. Imagine spending an hour trying to get your child to sleep only to have him wake up as you try not to drop him into his crib. We’ve had some pretty ungraceful dismounts due to my short stature. I considered creating an elaborate parachute system for him, but that would probably be a safety hazard.

Instead, I think cribs should come with a little step that can be pulled out from underneath and adjusted for the mom’s height (or lack thereof). You should be able to easily pull the step out with your foot so you can do so while holding a sleeping baby. And, of course, the step should move silently without as much as a squeak.


Cars equipped for napping babies. Quinn falls asleep in the car quite often and I’m stuck driving around until he wakes up. I want a soundproof glass divider, like a limousine, so I can talk on the phone and listen to the radio without disturbing him. Of course, a video monitor will come standard in the vehicle. I could watch the baby on the display, and the audio would connect via blue tooth when the baby made a noise. And if there was a way for the car to vibrate slightly and simulate movement even when it’s stopped, that would be killer. That way Quinn wouldn’t wake up when I stopped the car, and I wouldn’t have to drive around.


Attachable umbrellas. A fellow blogger, whom I adore, said someone already beat us to this one. (So why can’t I find one in Target?) I want to be able to attach my umbrella to the stroller or shopping cart so I can push with two hands and not get the two of us wet… or so I can have one hand to hold on to my Starbucks.


More drive-through windows. Getting the baby out of the car can be a huge pain in the ass, especially when you’ve got a long list of errands to run. By the third time I get Quinn out of the car, he’s not going back in without a fight. And there’s the car-nap dilemma again. So I think almost every business should have a drive-through window.

Like Subway. Every other fast food joint has a drive-through, so why can’t the only somewhat healthy place have one? The Subway near where I grew up had a drive-through, but it’s the only one I’ve ever seen. So I know it’s possible!

Oh, and Target. You should be able to order your items online and then drive up to the window to pick them up. Then some nice kid in a red shirt and khaki pants will put your items in your car. Done. Just think of all the time and money you’d save by not walking around Target.


Home delivery and services.  Getting out of the house is a challenge sometimes, so here are some things that someone should deliver to me:

Red Bull. When Q wakes up at the ass-crack of the dawn, I am one groggy mama. There should be a Red Bull delivery service that will bring me that sweet nectar within an hour of my order.

Massage. Yes, I know in-home massages aren’t anything new, but they require appointments and planning and a predictable schedule. I want to be able to order one up and have them there pronto. And there should be a childcare professional that travels with the masseuse who will look after the kids while Mommy gets a massage. And a pedicure.

Sorry, I guess I thought that list would be longer. Apparently, I just need a Red Bull and a massage to be happy.


You’re welcome to shamelessly steal any of these ideas, start a business, and revel in your fortune. I’m too tired to do it myself. Just let me know when you do, and I will be a loyal customer.

What inventions or other ideas have you come up with since becoming a mom? And where can I buy them?


10 comments:

  1. as a shortie myself, i also had a hard time lying a sleeping baby down without plopping her awake as i strained to lean over. looking back now, i should have gotten one of those aerobic step things that's long, wide and sturdy. it probably would have been the perfect thing.

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    1. Haha! So funny that you say that. That's exactly what we have in the nursery. I just added a photo. :)

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  2. I love the Target online shopping and pick up window idea. Same for napping in cars... a divider would be fantastic.

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    1. Seems like a divider in the car would be pretty easy to install. The baby monitor hook-up would be harder. Sounds like a job for Super Hubs. :)

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  3. These are all great ideas! I have one that I'd really like to see come to fruition...but I don't know how to go about getting it made!! I think every place (especially that sell wine) should be drive through!!! They'd get my business every single time!

    P.S. You'll want that divider for YOU in a few years to block out the bickering and Nintendo DS/Ipod noises while you drive! ;)

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    1. Yes! Drive-through wine is brilliant. I would be a loyal customer if you opened such a business in my neck of the woods. Maybe they can make the divider glass thicker for when the kids get older. ;)

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  4. Oh my gosh you are brilliant! I haven't thought of ANY of these before, but as I read them I was all "Oh YEAH! I would totally buy into that!!" Now how can me get these to happen!?!

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    1. We should go into business together! Now, just that pesky matter of finding someone to give us a lot of money... hmmmm....

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  5. Hi Melissa, I so agree with shopping cart breaks. When my Melissa was a baby, she was in the shopping cart and I pushed the cart through the parking lot to my car. The parking lot was on a slight incline. Instead of getting her safely into her car seat first (which I should have done) I turned my back on her for 2 seconds and started to put the packages in the car first. In those 2 seconds, the shopping cart started rolling backwards down the hill. Of course I turned around in time to stop it, but I shudder to think what could have happened, she could have crashed into another car, etc... - so lesson learned, after that I always put the baby in the car before the packages. But a brake for the cart sure would have been great! Isn't it funny how 13 years later that incident still haunts me?

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    1. OMG, that sounds like one of those memories that haunts a mommy forever. I held my breath through that whole story!!

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