Thursday, March 28, 2013

Some people are going to be mad about this

I’ve been writing this post in my head for two years now, but I never had the nerve to write it. Mainly because I was afraid of angering my family and many friends back home. Many of them are extremely religious, and even those that are not still embrace traditional, conservative values. So at the risk of pissing off a lot of people I love – and potentially losing a bunch of followers on this blog – here goes…

I believe gays should be allowed to get married and enjoy all the rights and privileges that come with it, including adopting children. And the fact that THIS is the big issue everyone wants to get all fiery about – when children are starving and human rights are being violated all over the world – baffles me. There. I said it. (My mom should be calling any minute now…)

I know that The Bible says homosexuality is a sin, and I’m not going to argue with anyone about that. I’m certainly no Bible scholar, so if you tell me that’s what it says, I believe you. Personally, I do not think being gay is a sin at all, but even if I’m wrong the question then becomes… SO WHAT?? We all sin. Your sin just looks different.

I’m not here to argue morality with anyone. We all have different values, and that’s fine. I’m not going to change your mind, and you’re not going to change mine. No one ever altered their entire value system after reading one blog post. So I’m talking about the legality of gay marriage. What is moral and what is legal are two very different things, and last time I checked there was supposed to be some sort of separation between church and state. At least in theory.

The Bibles says that sex before marriage is a sin, as are cheating on your spouse, lying, and getting divorced. All sins, yet all are 100% legal. The law doesn’t state that a couple can’t get married if they’re not virgins on their wedding day. The law doesn’t render your marriage null and void if you lie and cheat. The law allows you get divorced and married again. And again and again, if you want to. You can roll through a drive-through wedding chapel in Vegas and marry a hooker you just met, and a man dressed like Jesus can perform the ceremony. Yet, gay marriage is considered a threat to the institution of marriage??? (You can’t see it, but I’m putting my hand up, rolling my eyes and giving my “what-EVER!” face.)

Two people who love each other madly and who just happen to be the same gender are accused of “defiling the sanctity of marriage” if they want their union to be legal and enjoy the same rights as straight married couples. And the Vegas insta-couple – whose marriage will surely end in divorce, if not some CSI-like murder investigation – have more rights than a gay couple. That’s just sad and embarrassing.

When Hubs and I got married, no one questioned whether it should be allowed. We both had been married before, both marked with the scarlet letter “D” across our foreheads. Our wedding was on a beach, not in a church. My friend, Laura, got ordained online and performed the ceremony, not a man of the cloth. Not a single Bible verse was recited or referenced. Not once did anyone mention God or tell me I had to start obeying my husband. (Yet I know God was present, despite the lack of holy fanfare.) And our marriage is perfectly legal and no one had to vote on it simply because we’re a straight couple.

I know that homosexuality goes against many people’s values and what many churches teach. However, this is supposed to be a free country, and we can’t go around signing our own values into law just because that what makes us the most comfortable. Are we really going to let the church decide the laws of our country? If so, which church?

My mom told me a story about a conversation she had with some members of the Ladies Guild in our church many years ago. Long story short, all the old women agreed that abortion was wrong and should not be allowed under any circumstances, not even in the instance of rape. Their thought was that if God allowed a woman to get pregnant from a rape, than it was not up to her to second guess God’s will… unless, of course, she was raped by a black man. Then, well, yes, she could go ahead and get that abortion.

Um… WHAT THE F**K??!! Okay, I know that’s an extreme example and most Christians do not share these these crazy, racist beliefs. In fact, many churches even support gay marriage. So I'm not trying to slam any religion here. But I hear stories like that, and I’m pretty damn thankful that the elders of that particular church are not the ones deciding the laws for the rest of us live by. So when it comes to the law, I’m less interested in what The Bible says and more concerned about what The Constitution says.

There was a time when people of different races couldn’t marry. There was a time when black people were slaves. There was a time when women couldn’t vote. Yet over time, our country has evolved and become more accepting of different people and lifestyles. Those in power have learned to relinquish a little bit, giving power and voice to others besides just old, white, Christian men.

Don’t get me wrong, as a nation we still have a long way to go, and I hope we advance in the right direction by respecting lifestyles that maybe different from our own, and that the U.S. Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage.


I welcome all comments on this controversial topic. Even you totally disagree with me, I want to hear what you have to say. However, any comments that are hateful, hurtful, rude or in any way disrespectful will be deleted without a response. You can say what you need to say and still be nice. Basically, don’t be a jerk.


5 comments:

  1. Good post,Mel. I consider myself a moderate but rationale person and also the last time I checked the Church doesn't rule the State. At least our constitution says so. The tea party and conservatives are going more and more back into the 1800s and will very soon be in the wilderness.

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  2. Mark H

    As a moderate who tends to lean right and a Christian (Catholic) I couldn't have written your post better. Who are we to judge? Something about casting the first stone.... My understanding of Christianity is inclusive, caring, selfless, compassionate especially to those we don't understand or agree with. This is a legal not religious matter as you said, and this wont mean Churches have to perform gay weddings (or as I like to call them....weddings) so where is the argument here?

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  3. I agree with you 100%. Good for you for posting this, even though it could be controversial with some of your readers.

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