Thursday, October 3, 2013

My Drishti

I’ve practiced yoga on and off for several years. It calms my constantly spinning brain and makes my body feel strong. Right now, I attend prenatal yoga. It’s the one time a week when I feel like Baby Dragon and I can really connect. The modified poses are forgiving of a mama’s growing belly, although the balance poses become increasingly challenging as pregnancy progresses and my center of gravity shifts. At 36 weeks pregnant with a belly the size of a prize-winning Halloween pumpkin, my attempts at tree pose are laughable.

This is where the yoga concept of drishti is helpful. Translated from Sanskrit, drishti means “gaze” or “focus.” You choose a focal point to concentrate your gaze during a pose, especially when you feel unbalanced. Once you find your drishti and focus your gaze there, your foundation becomes stronger. Holding your eyes and your mind still allows your body to also still.

This got me thinking about how the practice of drishti also has its benefits outside of yoga class.

Few things can knock your marriage off balance like a new baby. The early months after Quinn was born – well, honestly, that whole first year – really tested my and Hubs’ relationship. It wasn’t just the sleep deprivation and irritability, although they played a huge role in the matter. (There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture!) Parenthood changed both of us drastically, almost overnight, and in ways we couldn’t possibly expect. Some of the changes were good, some not so much. We discovered that our values and priorities weren’t as aligned as we thought, and that first year of parenthood held some dark moments.

This is why having a solid, loving relationship with your partner before the baby comes is so important. Eventually, Hubs and I found our stride again and established a new normal. Now we’re even stronger than before, bonded like soldiers who have been through war together.

With the impending arrival of Baby Dragon, I admit I’m a little anxious about what the newborn days will be like for Hubs and me this time around. Rather than assuming we’ll be fine since we’ve done this before, I’m going in with a different set of expectations. It’s going to be hard with a newborn and a toddler, and we may have some dark moments again, and our marriage may once again get thrown off balance. Our new normal is about disappear.

October 3, 2009: Our wedding day
That’s why I need to remember that Hubs is my drishti in this life, and I am his. During tough times, it’s easy to turn away and choose pride over love. But as soon as you look away, you wobble and fall over. If we can concentrate our gaze on each other and not lose focus on us, then our foundation will remain strong and we will stay balanced when we falter.

Today is our wedding anniversary. Four years ago, we stood on that blustery beach and promised to love each other no matter what life throws at us. At this moment, I am more confident than ever that we will continue to make good on that promise.

This weekend, for the first time in two and half years, Hubs and I are going away together overnight. One of us has always been with Quinn when the other had to travel, so this is a big milestone for us. I’m glad we’re doing this before the baby comes and another two and half years go by in blink. This is the perfect time to recharge, reconnect and refocus our gaze on each other.

Happy anniversary to my husband, my drishti, my rock. I love you.