Yesterday, I saw this article on The Huffington Post called 7 Things You Totes Need to Stop Saying if You're Over 30. I had never heard of some of these words before. That’s how old I am. I hadn’t heard the word “totes” until I saw the hilarious Sprint commercials with James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell. (Hearing James Earl Jones say “Totes McGotes” gets me every time!) Now I hear it everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean Facebook.
I’ve also never heard anyone use “feels” as a noun before. What’s that about? Do people really say “It gets me in my feels!” when they see a cute baby photo or hear a sad story? My inner grammar Nazi has a wretched eye twitch all of the sudden.
So I don’t have to stop saying those two words because I never started, but the term I’m guilty of using with embarrassing regularity is “I know, right?” I’m not sure when or how it started. It’s not like I often hang out with teenagers or even twenty-somethings, but somehow this nonsensical phrase has eked its way into my vocabulary.
Way back in the 90s (when Jesus and I were teenagers), the equivalent phrase was “I’m sayin’!” If someone said “That algebra test was really tough” or “John’s haircut is wack” (yes, we also said “wack”), someone would reply in agreement with “I’m sayin’!” This makes no sense because the second person is obviously not the one who said it. Or maybe it’s short for “that’s what I’m sayin’,” as in “that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Hmmm, possibly. The point is “I know, right?” sounds just as ridiculous, and at almost 35 years old, I sound ridiculous using it.
And I’m sure some of you just read that, agreed with me, and thought to yourself “I know, right?!” A-HA! Busted! Don’t feel too bad, though… unless you’ve texted “IKR” to someone. Which. I. Have. Done. … For shame.
Another term I hadn’t heard before reading this article is “amazeballs.” How did I miss the boat on this one? This is right up my alley because the word “balls” is inherently funny. When Hubs and I first started dating, I heard him use the word “balls” in lieu of an F-bomb, and I laughed until my stomach hurt. Now, after hanging around the man for over six years, I utter this not-as-vulgar-but-still-kinda-vulgar word all the time. I bumped my head. Balls! The restaurant is closed on Mondays. Balls. We’re out of wine. Balls! (Don’t worry, as with all cuss words, I
do my best not to don’t say it around the kids.) But I still laugh about it around the kids...
For Christmas, Quinn received the Mo Willems book Can I Play Too?, which is about a snake who wants to play catch, but he doesn’t have any arms. He wants to try, so the elephant and pig start throwing balls at him and clocking him in the head. After that doesn’t work, they try to come up with a new plan. The elephant says, “Maybe we need more balls,” and then the pig says, “More balls!” and then the snake says, “MORE BALLS!?!”
And then Hubs and I laugh and laugh and laugh like a couple of teenage boys. So funny! I know, right?
DOH! I did it again. Balls.
One word that I would have liked to see on the list is “epic.” I can’t think of a more overused word at the moment. Not everything is epic, people. Climbing Kilimanjaro is epic. Your weekend in Vegas? Not epic. The original Star Wars trilogy was epic for its time. The season premier of Glee? Not epic. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech” was epic. That time you drank too much and finally told off your ex-boyfriend? Not epic.
I suggest we retire “epic” and bring back the word “rad” in its place. My friend, Robin, and I say it a lot, and it’s surprisingly appropriate in many situations. Your new boots are rad. Your homemade lasagna is rad. The new laminator Hubs bought me for Christmas is super rad! See, it works. Eventually, “rad” will get overused as well, but until then, let’s have some fun with it.
What, you don’t like it? Fine, say it, don’t say it, whatever. But if you could please stop saying “epic,” that would be rad. Thanks.
I also want to bring back "It's on like Donkey Kong!" It popped into my head yesterday out of the blue, so I used it in a text message and it just felt right.
To summarize, in 2014, I will try my damnedest to stop saying “I know, right,” and I will actively encourage others to use “rad” instead of “epic,” and… yeah, I’m gonna have to do it. I’m gonna have to start saying “amazeballs.”
Happy New Year, everyone! Hope your NYE is amazeballs! But be careful out there tonight. People are cray-cray.