Last week, Hubs went on his first business trip since Reid was born. You’d think I’d be a pro at this solo parenting thing by now.
After all, Hubs traveled for
a total of 16 weeks last year, and most of that was front loaded early in the year
so Q and I were on our own for several weeks in a row. I was definitely exhausted after so many days without a
break, and we both missed Hubs very much, but before long we had our routine down cold.
Then we had baby #2, and solo parenting got a whole lot harder.
On the surface it doesn’t seem like it would be that much of
a stretch since I’m home with two kids all day while Hubs is at work. So
technically, just the evenings are more work than usual when he’s traveling.
But being a SAHM to two kids
is exponentially more difficult than being a SAHM to one, and I’m still getting
the hang of it during the day as it is. By the time evening rolled around and I
was trying to accomplish dinner, bath time and bed time with two children
demanding my attention, the stress level in our house was high.
I admit there were a lot of tears last week. (The boys cried
a lot, too.) But we survived. Barely. Here are some tips for hanging on to your
sanity (albeit by a thread) when solo parenting.
Be flex with the
schedule.
Is 4:30 too early to make dinner? Not if that’s the only
time both children are content. You’ve got a window, so use it. “But we eat
dinner at 6:30,” you say. Forget the clock and your usual routine. When you’re
on your own with two children, you eat dinner when they let you eat dinner. It’s
impossible to make a meal when a toddler and a baby are mid-meltdown, so you
have to make dinner before the meltdowns occur. If that means making dinner at
4:30, so be it.
And when I say “make
dinner,” I mean “get take-out.”
Hubs was gone for just three nights, so I made Quinn
whatever he wanted for dinner. Cheese quesadilla? Coming right up! Frozen
chicken dinosaurs? Sure. Frozen chicken dinosaurs again? Fine, whatever. And
for myself, I had pizza delivered one night (Q is the only kid on the planet
who won’t eat pizza), and
another night we all went through the Taco Bell drive-thru so Mommy could get a
Cheesy Gordita Crunch. I figure three nights of eating less than healthy
balanced meals wouldn’t hurt anybody, and not having to cook made the evenings
so much smoother.
Utilize distractions.
When you’re taking care of one of the children, it’s always
sometimes necessary to distract the other one. Especially since Reid is in a “I’m-not-happy-unless-you’re-holding-me-and-sometimes-not-even-then”
phase. I don’t know what it is about ceiling fans, but he finds them
mesmerizing. Thanks to Hubs, we have these magic baby-distraction-devices in FOUR
rooms of our home. So while I brushed my teeth, or got Q dressed, or made
lunch, I flipped on the ceiling fan, and Reid would instantly stop crying and
stare at it for about five minutes. “But I always wear my baby,” you say. Well,
good for you. If you have any tips on how to wear your baby in a carrier when
brushing your teeth and still bend over to spit in the sink without drooling
toothpaste on him or hitting his head on the counter, you let me know. Until
then, I will use the ceiling fan method.
Quinn also watched way more TV than usual last week. I’m not
proud of it, but I’m not ashamed either. When I needed to nurse Reid or put him
down for another nap fail a nap, I switched on Sid, the Science Kid, and Q was mesmerized. Sid is to Q as the ceiling fan is to Reid. Judge me if you will,
but it works. And now my two-year-old understands friction. Boom.
You’re friends love
you. Let them help.
I would not have made it through the week without my dear
friends. Robin, a.k.a. The
Wine Fairy, left a bottle of chardonnay on my front porch. Rebecca came over one evening and held Reid while I gave Q a bath.
And she brought more wine. It’s okay to admit you need help. (Please bear with
me while I give myself a pep talk here…) Other moms make it look easy, and you
might think it looks weak asking for help taking care of your own kids, but it’s
not. It seriously does take a village. If one of your friends needed help, you
would be there in a heartbeat. Let them do the same for you.
Take care of
yourself, too.
I accomplished approximately jack s**t last week, and that
is really hard for me. By the time both boys were asleep, it was 10:30
pm, and I was exhausted. So I tried to forget about all the things I should have
been doing, I let the dishes and laundry pile up, I poured a glass of wine, I watched
a few minutes of mindless television, and I went to bed. My patience was already
limited and my ability to be kind
was impaired enough without added sleep deprivation. So I slept.
When Hubs walked in the door on Friday afternoon, I lasted
all of thirty seconds before I burst into tears, but we survived.
So when you feel like locking yourself in the bathroom and
bawling your eyes out, know that you’re not weak. When you serve chicken
dinosaurs for the third night in a row, you’re not a bad mom. When your child
is on his fourth episode of Sid that
day, you’re not lazy. You’re a strong mom who’s doing everything she can to
hold it together and doing an amazing job. Last week was a real test of my 2014 theme word, but I cut
myself some slack, let some things go, and was kind to myself whenever
possible.
And that’s the best advice I can give to anyone who’s solo
parenting.
What are your tips and
advice for staying (somewhat) sane when your partner is out of town?
