Before my second child was born, I worried that I didn’t/wouldn’t
love him as much as I love his brother. I asked myself (and all of you with the blog
post “Enough Love” that was very
difficult to write), how could I possibly love another child the way I love
Quinn? Could I have enough love for both of them? Now that Reid is here, I have my answer.
Yes, of course, I do. My heart is on the verge of bursting
every time I look at Reid as well as Quinn. My friend was right – I did grow
another heart that belongs to just him. But I admit, it does feel different.
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| These hilarious, adorable boys... how could I love one more than the other? |
While the intensity of my love and the amount of love I have
for my boys is equal, it shows in different ways. I think it’s because they
each need different things from me. Quinn still needs lots of snuggles, but not
as much as the baby does, so Reid is in my arms more often. Quinn needs me to
talk to him about anything and everything. He needs me to validate him and help
him build his confidence. Reid just likes looking at my face while I make
exaggerated expressions and narrate our life as it happens. My two boys are
unique individuals with unique needs.
My cousin’s wife, Amanda, wrote a
beautiful comment on my previous post
that describes it perfectly:
…I know you've been told everything will be fine and the love will come and it will, but honestly it's not the exact same love and truly can't be. But that's okay because it will still be an overwhelming love to protect and nurture a new individual person. Mommy mode kicks in on you and soon you won't be able to imagine your life without little Baby Dragon.
She’s a mother to four
beautiful boys, so she knows what she’s talking about. If you haven’t yet,
go back and read her entire comment. Wise words from a wise woman.
Also, I think I was equating love with guilt and worry. My overly empathetic tendency made
me worry about and analyze every possible emotion Quinn had as a baby. Just
because I don’t hover around Reid and bite my nails down to nubs over what he might be feeling, that doesn’t mean I don’t
love him as much as I love Quinn. While I’m still very empathetic of my
children and see them as real people with real feelings, three years of
parenting experience has made it so I don’t project emotions onto them quite as
much (although I still do – a lot). I know now that I can think about something
else besides my children for a few minutes and doesn’t mean I love them any
less. I can have a need of my own, and that doesn’t make me a bad mom.
My children were also born into different circumstances, and
that impacts how I treat them. Being the second child, poor Reid has to cry
more than Quinn had to. When there’s a toddler to take care of, I can’t hold
Reid as much as I held Q as a baby. For example, I have to put Reid down so I
can put Q’s shoes on or change Q’s diaper or brush Q’s teeth or make Q’s breakfast,
and if Reid’s in one of his “I’m-not-happy-unless-you’re-holding-me-and-sometimes-not-even-then”
moods, there will be some tears. It breaks my heart to hear him cry and I scoop
him up as soon as I can, but a mom of two (or more!) does what she has to do to
get the toddler to preschool on time and keep the household functioning.
No matter what your profession, there will be times you’re expected
to keep everyone happy, and that’s an incredibly stressful, no-win situation. We
all know that’s nearly impossible when it comes to adults, so it should be even
less likely to keep multiple children happy all the time. The profession of a
SAHM to more than one child is the same way. When there’s only one mommy and
both kids need her, one child is just going to have to be unhappy for a few
minutes. That’s life. Quinn didn’t have to share me when he was a baby, so he didn’t
have to go through that, but it doesn’t mean I love Reid less because I allow
him to cry more than Q had to. It’s just the reality of the situation.
So while my love for Reid might look different and feel
different, I love him just as much. On this Valentine’s Day, now with a third
heart bursting out of my chest, I have more than enough love for my amazing Hubs and two adorable sons. And my love grows more and more every day.
