I recently came across this article by Tim Challies saying
he doesn’t allow his kids to attend sleepovers. He argues that children are
vulnerable at bedtime and should be at home in their own beds.
At first, I thought the article was ridiculous. Some of my
best childhood memories are of sleepovers – playing “Truth or Dare,” belting
out pop songs into hairbrush microphones, blushing about cute boys, and
giggling until the wee hours. My best friend, Kelly, slept over at my house
almost every weekend, and I had a slumber party for my birthday every year until
junior high.
Sleeping at friends’ houses exposed me to how other families lived
and taught me to respect their rules and values. I definitely got away with
stuff I wouldn’t have gotten away with at home – like staying up late, watching
scary movies, and wearing makeup – but I gained independence and learned to be
responsible for my own behavior and decisions. What parent would shelter their
children to such an extent and deny them these experiences?
But then I remembered that not all of my sleepover experiences
were positive ones...
But as it turns out, bullying wasn’t the worst thing that
would ever happen to me at a sleepover…
In ninth grade, I slept over at a friend’s house, and the
night went terribly wrong. We weren’t great friends – and after this night, we
wouldn’t be, ever. We were hanging out in her basement, and everything was
going fine until her delinquent older brother came home drunk. He tormented me the
whole night, threatening to do vile and disgusting things to me while my friend
pretended to sleep.
He blocked the stairs so I couldn’t go up and call my mom. He
stayed so close to me I could smell his breath, rancid from alcohol and
cigarettes. He never actually hurt me – that wasn’t part of his game. Just the threat of what he might do and the fear
on my face gave him all the thrill he needed.
The sad part was I actually felt lucky that that was all
that happened. I suppose I was.
Eventually he passed out on the basement floor right in
front of the stairs. Too afraid of waking him, I sat in the corner until the
morning light peaked through the tiny window near the basement ceiling.
I agree with Challies in that the world is just as unsafe
today as it was back then, but we talk about it more now and have greater
access to information. But even with my awful experience, I think banning
sleepovers might be extreme, although I can certainly understand why he and
many other parents choose to do so.
If parents do decide to allow sleepovers, they need to know
the other family very well and ask lots of questions before every sleepover because circumstances can
change. Parents should know if the other child’s older sibling will be home and
if he/she will have friends over. They should know where the other parents are
going to be the entire night. They should know if the there is a gun in the
house. And perhaps they should require that their child check in periodically,
that way they know something might be wrong if they don’t hear anything.
But I’m no expert on this. My boys are too young for
sleepovers yet, and I dread the day they will ask to sleep somewhere other than
Grandma’s house. I’d like to think that I would do enough homework on the other
family so that I can feel comfortable giving my kids some independence and permit
them to sleepover. But we all know what an over-anxious freak show I am, so we’ll
see when the time comes.
What do you think? Are
your kids allowed to attend sleepovers? If so, what are the ground rules?
