Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Ten Things I'm Old Enough to Still Give a F**k About

Disclaimer: This post contains way more curse words than my posts usually contain, and in this case, most of those curse words are the F-word. Basically, if you’re faint of heart, a die-hard Trump supporter, or my grandmother, you might choose to not read this post.

Have you ever known an elderly person who just said whatever was on her mind, no matter how rude or inappropriate it was? I’m talking about downright salty old people who have absolutely no filter. Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure I’m on my way there.

As a youngster, I would be appalled by such seasoned individuals and think, “Just because you’re 100 years-old, you have the right to talk to people like that?”

Turns out, the answer is yes. Yes, they do. See, it’s not that old people have earned some entitlement to be awful over their years on this planet. It’s just that they have #zerofuckslefttogive. The way I see it, we’re all born with a finite number of f**ks to give, and the longer we live, the fewer we have left in our old age. And since people are living longer and longer these days, we’re now waiting for evolution to catch up and ensure we’re born with enough f**ks.

I know this because I’m not even 40 yet, and I can tell my f**k supply is already rapidly depleting. The time has come for me to start rationing that shit out like Elaine Benes and her Sponges. (If you know that Seinfeld reference, you’re #OAF like me and probably also running out of f**ks to give.) And since I now have two children to think about, I’m quite picky about where I give my f**ks and all the accompanying energy required. As a 37 year-old feminist mother of two, #fuckworthy has taken on an entirely new meaning in my life.

So rather than listing all the things I no longer give a f**k about in my advancing age (like having ripped abs or the number of likes on my Facebook posts), I decided to share a list of the few issues I decided are still worth spending my f**ks on.

So here you have it – ten issues I still consider f**k-worthy.

1. Gender equality and feminism 
The glass ceiling is real; stop caring about what girls wear to school; and you can pee next to me.

2. Rape culture and the patriarchy
No (and unconsciousness) mean no; only men can prevent rape; and I should feel just as safe in this world as a man does.

3. Race issues
Fear and hate are learned behaviors; a badge and gun don’t automatically make you right; and people of color should feel just as safe in this world as white people do.

4. Gun control
Guns kill people; people kill people; and people with guns kill people.

5. Education
Quality education should be free to everyone regardless of race or economic standing; I’m fine with quadrupling my taxes as long as it goes toward education for all; and if we ALL don’t succeed, WE don’t succeed.

6. Health care
Quality health care should be free to everyone regardless of race or economic standing; I’m fine with quadrupling my taxes as long as it goes toward health care for all; and if we ALL don’t succeed, WE don’t succeed. (Sound familiar?)

7. The environment 
Climate change and global warming are real even if it snows in some parts of the world; recycle like it’s your job; and YAY FOR SCIENCE!

8. Corporate greed and corruption
No one needs a multi-million dollar salary; capitalism is not more important than humanity; and doing the right thing should not be that f**king hard.

9. The good of all humanity
Vaccinate your kids; teach them compassion and kindness through your words and your example; and it’s your fault if your kid’s a racist douche.

10. The outcome of the 2016 presidential election
Trump is a moron and a bully; all of the above depend on this imbecile NOT becoming president; and America is already pretty f**king great.

You don’t have to agree with me about a single thing in the above list. I’m not in this to gain friends. I just want to have the conversation, no matter how volatile or difficult, because that’s the only way change happens. And because these are the things about which I still give a f**k.

I will save my f**ks for things that put more love, compassion, and kindness out into the universe. At the risk of sounding like a total socialist, pacifist, hippie, Miss America contestant, I want a want a better world for my children, and a huge part of my contribution is to not raise a couple of assholes.

Another huge part of my contribution is my voice. Even if you 100% disagree with me on every single issue listed above, this is the stuff that’s actually worth caring and talking about, people. Apathy, silence, laziness and cowardice never resulted in positive change. I’m too damn old to stay quiet. I give way more f**ks about the above issues than I do if someone unfriends me on Facebook for being vocal about these issues. I’ve earned my right to speak. At my age, popularity doesn’t make the “f**k-worthy” list

You don’t want to boil the ocean or cause conflict? I say be bold and brave, girlfriend. By our age, we’ve earned the right to be vocal about what we give a f**k about. You’ll be surprised how many people have been waiting for your voice to give them the courage to speak up as well.

You’re worried about offending people? F**k ‘em. Is someone else’s approval more important that advocating for a better world? If your answer is yes, it’s time to let that shit go, put on your big girl, almost-40 panties, and speak the f**k up.

You don’t want to deal with all the backlash? Well, that just sounds f**king lazy to me. Changing the world takes lots of work and rational voices to combat the assholes and crazies. Join the conversation or don’t you dare f**king complain.

By our age, we should be more than equipped to be brave, speak up, and take action. Stop spending your f**ks on PTA gossip, jobs that make you miserable, friends that are shitty, social media likes and followers, and what she said about so-and-so. Save your f**ks for the shit that matters.

And by the way, social media is a great place to practice your voice. That’s basically what it’s for. You can keep posting pictures of your dinner, if you must, but temper it with shit that actually matters. Speak up. Act. Fight. And if someone unfriends you because of it, add that to the list of things you’re too old to give a f**k about.